The Great War
by ShiningSugar14
Summary: AU. College can be so dull. Vague pairings, but no romance.
1. Chapter 1

You'll notice that this is actually a bunch of chapters of In Another Place. Because all of these were very attached to each other and I'd been referring to this as a separate work for ages.

* * *

The Great War

"Tell me again how you managed this," Nero said, entering Shelke's room behind her.

"I did nothing. I came back from class and found a note, stating that Rosso took my laptop and put it up into the ceiling panel, then took the chairs out and locked them in Angeal's room." Shelke pointed up at aforementioned panel, which had clearly been tampered with.

Nero stared doubtfully up at the ceiling. He could certainly touch it, but only by jumping, and even then, only with his fingertips. "And you want me to assist with this retrieval?"

"I want you to try." Shelke looked up at the ceiling. "Perhaps you could lift me up and I could attempt the search."

Nero shrugged and knelt onto the ground and Shelke uncertainly placed the crooks of her knees into his hands, effectively leaning against his back. Nero stood up and, for the briefest moment, all Shelke was processing was the scent of Nero's shampoo and the feel of his hair against her face. Then she processed the fact that she was peering around the dusty section between her ceiling and the third floor's room. For a moment, there was nothing but darkness. After Shelke's eyes adjusted, she looked for the tell-tale glowing light of the laptop in sleep mode. "I don't see it."

"You're kidding," Nero groaned.

"Nero, while I'm not sure why you would want to shove Shelke into the ceiling, she'll never stay up there all semester." Shelke's feeling of irritation, bordering on despair, was overridden by the sound of local Dead-Pan Snarker, Weiss, in her doorway. "The ceiling is too flimsy."

"Hello, Weiss."

"Hello, Shelke." His volume hadn't changed, so Shelke could only assume that he hadn't actually entered the room and was still leaning against the door frame. "What are two of my favorite people up to?"

"Collectively, about seven and a half feet." Nero knelt down and Shelke dismounted. "Rosso has hidden Shelke's laptop in the ceiling, but we can't find it."

"Hang on… It's orange, right? Like, a burnt orange?"

"Yes."

Weiss shook his head with a smirk on his face. "I saw that thing sitting around on Angeal's desk when I went in to get my calculator back from Genesis." Weiss sat on the counter. "I think I saw the chairs while I was in there too."

Nero cast a murderous glare at the door. "Really," he drawled.

"Gentlemen, shall we proceed to the plotting stage of revenge?" Shelke assumed a cross-legged sitting position on the carpet.

When Weiss sat down next to Shelke, Nero's grin stretched. If there was one thing he enjoyed more than his music theory classes, it was proper planning of a plot. "Indeed."

* * *

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Shelke sighed as she stared across the expanse of Rosso's room. Millions of paper cups had been meticulously filled to the brim with water and set down on the floor. And Rosso's desk. It was easier to just say that any flat surface was covered with filled paper cups of water.

"And this will work?"

"This is foolproof." Weiss set another cup down and filled it. They were just finishing the doorway before they departed. "I've seen it done a million times."

"Poor Argent, having to deal with this," Nero muttered, also filling a few more cups.

"You think I'd subject her to this?" Weiss placed his hand over his chest in a truly saddened manner. "You wound me. She will be staying in our room."

"I was not informed about this part of your plan."

"Nero, Argent is staying in our room tonight so that she doesn't have to work around the prank we're about to play on Rosso." Nero merely quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

"No, nothing. I was just concerned about Argent's electronic belongings. Her belongings in general, actually. I would not put it past Rosso to soak Argent's things in a fit of rage."

"Which is why she and I packed all her stuff yesterday. Thank God she doesn't have too much stuff here."

"Well, she _does_ live close by."

"So, if I understand this plot of yours correctly, Rosso will come in tonight and trip over absolutely everything, spilling the entirety of the water."

"Right. Most of it, anyway."

"I've also rigged a few of them." Nero pointed to several cups on the floor that had fishing wire attaching them to other cups on shelves. "When the rigged cups are upset, they'll take their attached partners down with them, soaking things she didn't even touch."

"Engaging in a round of disproportionate retribution, are we?"

Shelke turned her head to see Argent standing over the trio's crouched bodies. Weiss cracked a grin. "I don't suppose you'd believe we were decorating her room as a surprise gift."

"Whatever you've planned, you should know that Rosso is on her way back right now. She's done with classes for the day."

"Perfect. Shelke, the camera?"

"Running, from the safety of several layers of plastic wrap and Argent's overhead storage." Shelke pointed to a small lens located underneath Argent's suitcase. "Even if she throws the cups around in a rage, she won't notice the camera."

"Perfect. Lets go then."

* * *

Three days later, on a lovely Monday afternoon, Weiss had been (almost innocently) lounging in his room when a curt double knock on his door signaled a visitor. Shelke poked her head in. "Just so you know, Argent has brought the tape of that prank over." The speed with which Weiss leapt out of his chair and bounded out into Nero's room (he had the television) indicated that he had been waiting for this all weekend.

"Excited?"

"Very."

"Argent, I take it you've fast-forwarded the tape to the actual occurrence?"

"Of course."

With a small smirk, Nero deftly pressed the Play button and settled in.

The room was dark, but only for a few seconds as Rosso flicked the light on and placed one triumphant heel out into her room. As the toe of her shoe collided with some of the cups, Rosso seemed to realize what exactly had happened and drew it back. Nonetheless, her first foot set off the chain reaction. Roughly half of the cups they had laid out that day had overturned onto the floor. Some of Nero's rigged cups had gone off as well, judging by the way Rosso's head suddenly jerked up to something across the room. Finally, she (as Shelke predicted) had picked up one of the cups that she hadn't knocked over with her first step and threw it at the window across the room before giving a screech and storming out of the room.

There was a stunned moment of silence before Weiss began cackling. This set off the other three who, while not as maniacal as Weiss, were still thoroughly amused by how well the prank had gone off. Finally, the chuckles died down as there was a knock at the door. Nero got up to answer it before calling out, "Weiss! Shelke! Come here, please!"

Reluctantly leaving the couch, Weiss bounded out of the room to see what Nero wanted. Placed on the magnetic whiteboard on their suite's door was a note in loopy cursive- Rosso's distinct handwriting: "This is war, my loves."

Weiss gave a sigh, handed the note to Shelke to peruse and said, "I love my life." With that, he stalked to his room.

"Weiss, where are you going?"

"To research war tactics. You heard her. This is not over."

* * *

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

For Rosso, October was a mundane month that was brightened up only by the stress accompanying mid-terms and Halloween, her favorite holiday. Even then, midterms were only so brightening and Halloween was fairly uneventful for her anyway. As a high school student, it had consisted mainly of answering the door to terrify trick-or-treaters and dressing up for costume parties. In college, she was mostly in the same situation without having to answer the door. This is all to say one thing: Rosso had not expected to do anything remotely interesting on October 30th.

Sitting down with her English textbook, Rosso contemplated when she was going to be able to go home and retrieve warmer clothes. It would need to be soon, because the weather was slowly growing more and more frigid. She had no problem with frigidity, but…

"R-Rosso…"

Rosso looked up to the sound of her name, only to see Weiss leaning heavily on her doorway, doused in blood. The red substance had completely doused the front of his T-shirt and the jeans had long lines running down it as well. She sprung to her feet as he staggered into his room. Not really concerned for him, so much as her carpet.

"Weiss, what is this?"

"N-Nero's finally s-snapped…" Weiss wavered a bit at her door, indicating an imminent collapse. Rosso threw a towel underneath his body before he collapsed. Rosso knelt down next to him, wondering if she should call Campus Security or just deal with Nero herself. The brat had it coming in spades. "He's lost it."

Looming out of nowhere, Nero practically glided into view, clutching a knife. He gave a high giggle before intoning, "You're next."

Rosso felt almost paralyzed as she sat next to Weiss, keeping her eyes firmly on the knife in Nero's hand. She had a switchblade in her bottom desk drawer and her father was a black belt in Tae Kwon Do who had taught his daughter a few things. Still, and Rosso knew this from experience, crazy people were capable of the inhuman.

Weiss reached up and tugged her down. "Rosso… There's something you need to know…"

"W-Wh-What?"

He took a deep, shaky breath, then sang:

_"Never gonna give you up,  
Never gonna let you down,  
Never gonna run around  
And desert you." _

With a screech of indignation, Rosso stood up immediately and clocked Weiss over the head. Twice, because it felt good, but he blocked the second blow. "Weiss!"

Perfectly unharmed, Weiss sat up laughing. "Come on, you really should have expected this. It's Devil's Night. Prank time."

Rosso went for her desk drawer, tugging at the stalling thing. "You-You…"

"Quintessence of masculinity? Prank mastermind? Why, Rosso, you shouldn't have…"

"Weiss, you're aware that she has an actual knife in there," Nero reminded.

"Does her boyfriend know?"

"Of course he does," Rosso hissed as she finally got the drawer open. Typical Rosso, the switchblade was buried but the top of her desk had some little things that would make decent projectiles. Rosso picked up the stapler and flung it at Weiss, satisfied when he ducked. Nero fled first, with Weiss following quickly behind him.

Satisfied, Rosso picked up the stapler, slammed it back into place on her desk surface and picked up her phone. She dialed the second number on her speed dial and settled into her chair.

"Weiss has come in, claiming that Nero stabbed him, only for it to be all a prank. I think they might have shaved several precious years off my life. I told you they would attempt something sooner or later. You just never believed me."

"I didn't think you were serious. But you have mine and Genesis' full support."

"Sephiroth as well?"

"I can't promise anything. You also might have Zack, if that's any consolation."

Zack was a sweet boy, who could easily act as a mole for her purposes. Rosso put her feet up on her desk as she stared at her fingernails. "I shall call Azul for confirmation of his loyalties as well."

"Loyalties?" Angeal chuckled. "You make this sound like war."

"It is war. And all is fair in this and love."

"Of course. Just play fair. An eye for an eye."

"I would have gladly taken an eye if I could have found my knife in time. Now I need to call Azul. Shall I see you tomorrow, my love? I need to work off some stress."

Angeal chuckled. "Yes. Of course. Good night."

* * *

Weiss, you Rick-Rolling bastard. X3 TBC


	4. Chapter 4

"I still don't feel right about this."

"They'll never know it was you, Zack. And, remember, this is to defend a lady's honor."

Very much doubting that Rosso Masterton had any honor left to defend, he replied, "Okay, fine."

"Good. Now, Nero leaves for class in three… Two… One. Go."

"Right."

Zack put his phone away, and strode purposefully into Mideel Hall with a can of shaving cream and an old accordion folder from high school. As he walked, he was careful to avoid the target of Angeal's "honorable revenge." Zack knew that, normally, Angeal would have never been involved with this sort of thing, but it was to protect his girlfriend's honor. For whatever the reason, this would be entertaining.

When he was outside the Eldritch-Werner suite, Zack shook the can vigorously and squirted the entire contents into the accordion folder. Following the instructions Angeal had given him prior to the phone call, he slid the open end of the folder under the door. Making sure that no one was watching any of that, Zack stomped on the folder like a gleeful child stomping in a puddle. According to Angeal, this would leave a massive splatter of shaving cream all over interior of the Eldritch-Werner suite.

* * *

"Really? This is the best he can do?"

Nero looked around the room with doleful consideration. "I would have rather they had performed this operation in a place where we didn't have open containers of food. Especially food that I enjoy."

"True." Weiss placed the bowl of leftover Halloween candy in the sink, to be washed later. "Well, lets get cracking."

"Weiss?"

"Nero?"

"Since they were my sweets, would you might if I planned and executed this one?"

A razor grin crept onto Weiss' face. Nero was finally getting into the spirit of the prank war. "I wouldn't dream of depriving you of the privilege."

* * *

Shelke peeked around the wall before returning to her phone conversation. "Yes, he's here."

"Lovely. Have a good class, Shelke."

"I'll try. I still don't know what you two are up to."

"You'll see. Enjoy."

Shelke hung up and entered the class room. Most of the class was already sitting around the enormous lecture hall. Professor Hojo was prowling at the front of the class like an agitated cat.

"Cousin."

"Genesis." Shelke took her laptop out of her bag and opened a fresh word document for the notes.

"I've heard about your little battle with Rosso."

"I've heard that you are participating in that battle."

A mischievous sparkle lit up Genesis' eyes. "I am. My habits have been dull lately. I look forward to the entertainment you and your boyfriends will bestow upon us."

Shelke mentally cursed her fair complexion for blushing so easily. "Weiss is not my boyfriend."

"And Nero?"

Shelke was spared having to answer by Hojo crying out, "You there! Sit down and be quiet!" Genesis, who had indeed been standing to speak to his cousin, sat down and began taking notes on the lecture.

Five minutes into the lecture, a polyphonic ringtone of "Like a Virgin" completely shattered the classroom proceedings. Immediately, students began searching for the source. "Whose phone is that?" Hojo screeched. Almost instantly afterwards, the noise stopped but there were no sheepish-looking students peeking back over their desks with a muttered "Sorry." Dismissing it, Hojo continued on with his lecture, as did all of the note-takers.

The class was disrupted five more times, each five minutes apart, the same ringtone blaring out across the sea of lecturers. The seventh interruption, this one lasting the longest so far, broke Hojo's composure. "What is that?" Not usually one to giggle at another person's misfortune, Shelke had to hide her grin. Whoever that was would not be spared.

Hojo had tracked the sound up to the middle of the lecture hall, occupied by several students, including Shelke, Genesis, and Angeal. The three of them watched, horrified, as Hojo grabbed at backpacks, jackets, and purses, all in pursuit of that noise. Finally, his eyes settled on Angeal who stared back up with a face somewhere between laughing and referring his professor to the nearest psychiatric counselor.

"You, boy!"

"Me, sir?"

"Yes! You! The noise is coming from directly under your chair!"

"But that… That's not my ringtone, sir."

"Don't you play the fool, Hewley!"

"Sir-" The ringing stopped, easing much of the tension in the lecture hall. "Sir, that isn't mine." As if breaking pattern to prove Angeal wrong, the ringing started right back up again.

"OUT! GET OUT OF MY LECTURE HALL!"

Shelke, understanding Nero's cryptic behavior now, opened an instant message. _"You didn't."_

_"I most certainly did. That candy Zack ruined was a gift from you."

* * *

_TBC_  
_


	5. Chapter 5

Tsviet!fic? In the middle of finals week? It's more likely than you think.

Dedicated to my usual friends, along with Kat, who's suffering from hay fever. I'm thinking this would cheer her up.

* * *

Sable Love Incorporated

Weiss had always hated Nero's ringtones with a burning passion. It wasn't that the ringtones themselves were particularly obnoxious. They were tame in comparison to some of the things that Yuffie Kisaragi had programmed on her phone (which Weiss only heard in the middle of exams). It was just that the ringtones themselves would frequently wake him up if Nero left his phone in Weiss' room. The ringtones already had a negative shade over them, but then they started to harass his dear, little brother.

"Hello? … Bring my _what_? … No. Good bye."

"Again?"

Nero nodded, pocketing his phone. They had gone to get breakfast early in the morning, several days after the incident with Hojo. Unfortunately, any peace that Nero might have derived from Weiss' company had been immediately ruined by no less than six phone calls, all soliciting him for sex. "That was the third one today. That woman told me to bring my whip and 'game-face.' What does that even mean?"

"You own a whip?"

"No."

The grin on Weiss' face gave way to a thoughtful expression. "Where are they getting your number?"

Nero shrugged then grabbed the ringing phone in his pocket. "Hello? … _What_?" Weiss turned an amused eye to his brother. He had never seen Nero turn that particular shade of red. "Listen to me, where did you get this number?" As Nero dealt with the person on the phone, Weiss idly looked at the fliers on the walls. Volleyball game, laser tag, club meeting, Nero's body, fundraiser…

Weiss reached over and ripped the paper with his little brother's posing body off the wall and scanned it quickly.

"_Looking for a Hot Date Tonight?_

_I'll whip and be whipped, all for you._

_Dial 555-3291, Rates Negotiable_

_For Your Sexy, Sable Lover._"

A rather lewd and clearly Photoshopped picture of Nero accompanied this tagline that Weiss didn't want to think about too hard. As Nero continued yelling with the person on the phone, Weiss reached over and tapped Nero. When he saw the flier, his jaw dropped and he closed his phone.

"Wh-What is this?"

"You… Sort of." Weiss turned the flier back to himself and examined it closely. "That's not your body, I know that, but that's your face." He squinted at the picture. "Is that a gimp mask in your hand?"

"A what?"

"It's a type of mask. You use it to… Never mind. How did this happen?"

Nero seemed to be gritting his teeth. "I can hazard a guess. Look at the flyer. It's been approved by campus life."

"What?… But the Dean-"

"-Would never agree to something this…"

"Base. So it would have to be someone who works under the Dean. Potentially connected to the last victim."

"Someone connected to Genesis who works for the Dean." Nero took out his cell phone, ignored the incoming call, and dialed a number. Weiss crumpled the flier and tossed it in the trash. "Argent, this is Nero. … No, of course I'm not. We're actually trying to figure that out as well. Can you just confirm whether or not Rosso works in the Student Activities office? … She does? Thank you."

"So it's our turn again?"

"Yes. Only this time I'm at a loss for what to do, exactly."

Nero's phone went off again and Nero looked like he wanted to run up to the fifth floor of the academic buildings and hurl it onto the pavement. Weiss plucked the phone from his brother's hand. "It's Shelke, actually." Nero buried his head in his hands. Weiss responded the only way he knew how: flippancy and sarcasm. "Hello, Sable Love Incorporated, how can I help you?"

"I'd like to place an order." Shelke didn't sound amused in any way. That didn't stop Weiss from carrying on as if she had been.

"Yes, ma'am. Would you like that mild, hot, or _mucho caliente_?" Nero went from contemplating the distance between the top step and the floor, to staring at Weiss in abject horror.

"Mild as always, with a side of Miss Masterton's laptop."

"Can do, though I might have to pull a few strings for that side order. In the mean time, have a chat with our CEO."

"I'd appreciate it."


End file.
